So soon?

Yes, so soon. So very, very soon...

Alana told me that Noah is taken today. Or loves someone. Not me, and...
Well, let's backtrack just a wee bit, shall we?

When I first saw Noah, Alana told me that I couldn't like him; something was wrong with him. I thought that maybe he was ill. Ill or challenged; something I could see past and I could love him anyways.

Why did something like that have to be hidden for so long? And disguised so that I could think something like that. Why couldn't I know this sooner? So that I could... So that I could know that I didn't stand a chance before I fell in love and thought that we were meant to be. Cause that's how it felt when we first met. I was confident and I was a different person. I made eye contact and I was smiling the whole entire time.

That Saturday, I learned that he was going to watch the meet this coming weekend. I couldn't wait. Now I'll do anything to have that day not come. And I have to swim at that meet. Does that suck or what?

Every time like this is going to end exactly the same. I'll find out Noah doesn't love me, then I'll get so hurt that I can't even stand to look at him. And because we even actually know each other now, it'll suck even more because if he cares as much about me to notice that I'm down, he'll ask what's wrong and I'll have to end up telling him something I wanted to be kept secret for at least two weeks... No matter where you are, who you are or what has happened... Under any circumstances, nothing is ever, ever completely okay.

It was so funny because just this morning I thought he'd like me back... To think that this morning, I actually wanted the weekend to happen. I can't love Noah. Not now anyways...

Stay tuned.